The School Bus
11.12.2009 Our nanny was sick on Wednesday, so I had taken the afternoon off to be with the kids, 18 1/2 months being a little too young for latch key kids and all. After their nap, we piled into the car and headed to the Children's Museum, them with post-nap contentment, me armed with teddy graham sticks and water bottles. I withhold these things, too. Like, I know they're hungry for a snack? But I'm not going to waste precious snacks on the first ten minutes that they're usually happy in the car anyway. No, I'm holding out the snacks for sitting in traffic, or the half way point. Call it torture, strategic planning, manipulation, or parenting. It's all the same thing.
We got to the museum, I parked on the same street where I had last received a ticket - WHOLE OTHER STORY - packed the kids into the stroller, checked in, and headed up to the TotSpot, designed specifically for children under 36 months. That day, I overheard the plans of two sisters who intended to talk their way into the TotSpot with a 22 month old and a FIVE YEAR OLD. Sure, the five year old was smallish, like a still-not-supposed-to-be-in-there-three-year-old small, but still. "No dices nada," they told the older child. The entirety of this conversation was held right in front of an employee who didn't know a lick of Español.
"Oh, we're just reading the rules," they say in accented English, as if if they looked at the sign long enough, the young employee might just pretend the rules didn't exist at all. "Oh, okay, um, well, they just have to be less than three years old, like two years and three hundred sixty four days" he said respectfully, but eyeballing the five year old with doubt. She looked down. "She is," they said, as both send laser glances down to the older child to keep her mouth shut. Didn't matter, her eyes were already lost in the carpet, a shamed and involuntary participant in her caretakers lies.
I did my typical zone defense, kinda splitting the kids, letting them play, constantly scanning the landscape to make sure my kids weren't mowing down crawlers or taking toys from babies who can barely sit, and watching for those pesky three-to-five year olds with dishonest parents who will inevitably send my kid or someone else's flying off the slide or pushed into a wall.
I could see from about fifteen between both my kids, another mom was holding on to her son's toy school bus
By the time I got to them, she was telling me it was okay for him to play with the bus, and I was telling Mateo to say "thank you", which, you know, at least he did. "Tankuu" with a huge smile, signing to her his palm from his chin extended toward her. Every surface in the TotSpot became a track for that school bus, and he continued playing with that school bus for the next thirty minutes. With each passing minute I started to panic: we're going to have to leave, and I'm going to have to separate him from that school bus.
You see where this is going, don't you?
I knew we were looking at a drive back through five-o'-clock rush hour traffic, through downtown, so I began telling them we were leaving in five minutes. Not that I think that they at all understand the concept of time, but more for the purpose of establishing a pattern for future use. And then: we're leaving in one minute. And for Mateo: We are leaving; I am taking Harper first, and when I come back to get you, we need to give the bus back to the lady. And I know he at least heard "We are leaving...you...give...bus back." because he clutched that die cast model bus and bolted towards the tunnels.
I secured Harper into the stroller, hunted Mateo down, and picked him up. Related. It is really hard to contract your abdominal muscles while carrying a toddler. Related. It is hard to direct your brain to identify said abdominal muscles after a c-section. I continued to coach Mateo as we approached the bus mom: "Mateo, we need to give the lady her bus back." And just to be sure, I asked the woman "Is this your bus from home?" Because if not, I might just take it. Okay that last part didn't come out out loud. "Mateo, give the lady her bus back", and the mom extended her hand toward him, and he gently handed it over. Wow, I thought. That wasn't bad at all. But then that milisecond passed and as I pivoted towards the stroller...MELTDOWN. Full. On. Like the one's I've seen other kids have and I thought GODIAMSONOTLOOKINGFORWARDTOTHAT!
And yet, there we were.
He managed to miraculously double the weight of his thirty pound frame while making his bones disappear. It was like carrying a garbage bag full of thawed redfish fillets, this heavy mound of screaming tears with little palpable infrastructure. "Bussss! Bussss! Bussss! Bussss! Bussss! Bussss! Bussss! Bussss!" he yelled as I plopped the sack of him into the stroller, where he then miraculously made his entire body as stiff and strong as rebar so as to make it as difficult as possible to bend him at the waist to buckle him in. Off we wheeled to the bathrooms because I had to pee and the kids needed diaper changes. "BUSSSSS!"
Ten eternal minutes later, I recalled their fascination with water fountains (they've been learning to drink from one at the park) and faced them towards it as I refilled their water bottles. Point in the mom column. We had an uneventful return to the car where I gave them the rest of those graham sticks. And happily we headed home, until we had to wait in line to merge onto I45.
Had to wait in line to merge BEHIND SIX YELLOW SCHOOL BUSES.
And I was out of teddy graham sticks.
Reader Comments (10)
Can not stop laughing!!!!
I'm sorry, but I can't stop laughing either! That was a great story and told so well!
I will say that I finally realized what a SuperMoM I am the first time I carried two tantruming toddlers, one in each arm, out to the car on my own. I won't tell you how many times it happened, but I will tell you it became a very useful skill.
I probably would have laughed too, but that was before I was 7 months pregnant with my first child. Now, I just read these blogs and wonder, "OMG, can I do this?"
So funny! Where do they learn how to be limp as noodles and stiff as boards?
We've yet to have a tantrum of that type in public, but I'm sure our day is coming. Sounds like you handled it well.
oh friend, how you make me giggle. at least you didn't have explosive diarrhea.
ps we need to chat about ads.
OMG... im laughing WITH you, i promise. ive been there - and over that SAME EXACT SCHOOL BUS. what is with toddler boys and school buses? my son flipped his shit over someones school bus toy at the park - my mom caved and bought him one similar to the one you have linked... the child carried it around for WEEKS telling anyone who dared look at it, "no, MY bus."
*sigh* lordy.
OMG that was hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay maybe not for you.. but for me it was :) I know what Santa is bringing Mateo this year.
@ LauraC - I imagine my day for twin tantrum carrying is nearer than I think. Did you just get the stroller later? Or didn't have one with you at all?
@LilFen - friend, every day we wake up and don't know what we're doing. You'll take it in stride just like the rest of us!
@Meg - GrandmaG called me this morning to tell me she used the link to buy the bus! Note to self - include more links in posts!
thanks a lot dear, im very interesting for your article. im very impresing for this :)
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