On Throwing Caution To The Wind
06.15.2010 A few days ago, I got an email from a fellow mom of multiples/friend/reader (hi, Lisa!)and this is what it said:
I've noticed on your blog that you guys are on the go more than ever on the weekends and getting more ambitious about travel. Is this an indication that 25-month-olds are more manageable, flexible, easier to handle? Or after three years of living through life on a strict schedule and tied to the house, have you thrown caution to the wind and gotten more bull headed about getting out and spending time with friends and family? Trying to figure out if this is something I can start looking forward to or not. :)
Twenty-five-month-olds. Manageable, flexible, and easier to handle are not words I'd associate with this age. But then again, compared to what? The communication is more intentional and directed from both sides, so in that sense, it can be more manageable. Until we're in the car heading on a trip and one kid wants Clifford and the other kid wants Dora on the DVD player. Then? Not so manageable. Because democracy and compromise are just not in the mental capacity of an early-two-year old.
They are somewhat easier to handle, in that we're very much in a stage of them wanting to everything for themselves, and that we can communicate more, and that they (sometimes) listen, like when I’ve got both kids alone, when getting out of a car and I need one to stay right by me and put one hand on the car while I get the other kid out. This would freak out many parents of singletons, but when you have more than one the same age, things like this have to be done, lest you’d never get out of the house. Single-parents and dual-parents with single-parent moments who handle more than two kids at once, I am in awe of you.I don’t think we’re so much tied to the house as it is that we just don’t get out much, mainly because Jennifer works on Saturday’s. Kinda makes it hard to do any spontaneous weekend trips or family activities. There’s just a lot I can’t (or won’t) do with them by myself because the logistics! Like I’d love to take them to the zoo on a Saturday morning, but we’ve trained them up to be independent and walking and they therefore loath the stroller. And I can’t (or won’t) take them to the fountain and park downtown alone because it’s not gated and they’re prone to run - in opposite directions. I DO have them in a parent-child swim class, but for that, I have to bring the nanny. It seems that every time I ask to see if someone can join us so that I don’t have to go it alone, there’s always a reason they can’t. So we just don’t get out much.
We do take the opportunity to spend time with family and friends. And when we are out, we’ve been bold enough to keep them up past their usual bedtime - a couple of times. Like the other weekend when Jennifer’s mom and step-dad were in town and we met up with them and her brother’s family for some less-than-authentic Louisiana seafood. “See?” my mother says, “They can stay up later now, you should let them stay up!” Except you know what? There are still consequences. Like the next day when they’ve been deprived of that necessary hour of sleep and they are both wildly irritable by mid-morning, a collision of emotional tornadoes wreaking havoc on everything in their paths.
Once, we did kept them up TWO nights in a row (and by “keeping them up”, I’m suggesting they’re asleep by 8 or 8:30 instead of 7 or 7:30.), and WOW, THE TIME NEEDED FOR RECOVERY. It took two days encompassing two days of earlier-than-usual naps, one day of two naps in a single day, and one night of going to bed at 6:30 for them to get back in sync with their world. Flexibility can take a toll.
My mother says they’re like this because we made them that way by having a routine the entirety of their lives. That they’d be more flexible if we’d been more flexible. Maybe. But I know of very few first-time parents of multiples who haven’t built their lives around a routine. In fact, I know of exactly none.
If you have a spouse, or family members that live close by, or godparents or good friends who love to do kid-centered stuff, and you have more than one day a week to share together, you're already in a more relaxed, better suited situation!
More ambitious about travel. Hmmmm. Unless traveling the 27 miles to the suburbs to see the grandparents counts. Oh, maybe this was the lake trip? The one without the nap? The one I was going to link to until I realized I hadn't written about it? Yeah, that was SUCH a bad idea (though it went so smoothly in my head a good four days before we left!). I mean, yes, they survived, and we survived, but Jennifer and I didn't get to relax one minute the whole time we were there. It didn't make for a horrible trip, just one that wasn't exactly enjoyable. There is a difference.
For that reason, we are scared shitless to go on a vacation, you know, a family one, with the kids. Jennifer was going to take her own vacation, separate vacations like we did last year. But then the damn BP oil spill shut down the Gulf and has ruined the marshlands and ruined people's livelihood's down in South Louisiana. So, no fishing for her. We are so non-adventurous, and have such limited time to work with, that we don't want to go anywhere that we have to fly, and we don't want to go anywhere further than a four hour drive away. Oh, and we don't want to stay in a hotel because are you kidding me? PAY TO SLEEP IN A STANDARD HOTEL ROOM when they've only ever (successfully) slept overnight at home and at Grandma's? SO. NOT. A. VACATION.
Except that we are considering (now) staying at a resort, in a traditional standard hotel room, IN SAN ANTONIO. So that, yeah, if it gets to be too crazy, we can always go and crash at grandma's house a whoppin' nine miles away. This is us throwing caution to the wind!
Still. Are twenty-five-month olds something to look forward to? Absolutely. Because we can look back on that lake trip and laugh, because we can look back on the photos from a family dinner and share stories, because they can now remember visiting their cousins, because every experience we get under our belts is a lesson we can apply to our next adventure, giving us either confidence or warning of what to expect.
Reader Comments (8)
I agree there is very little flexibility and manageability with 2 year old twins. I am single and there are many outings that I WILL NOT do alone. Just last week I did haircuts for the first time by myself and held my breath the entire time.
As for the hotel situation. I've done a fair amount of traveling with our Nanny for work and I found that suites worked best for us. So we could put the kids to bed but weren't forced to go to bed at 7:30pm. There are many that are very family friendly and most include breakfast and have indoor pools. It made a very unmanageable situation just a bit more sane.
Good luck with your trip!
I hope Lisa sees this comment!
We've been flying and traveling with our boys since they were just shy of 2 (had a couple of very notable HORRIFIC trips, including one at 15 months that made us swear off flying for 9 months). I think the more you do it, the easier it gets.
KEY to travel for us is one of us sleeps with each boy. No romantic notions of the kids peacefully sleeping in the other room. We each sleep with a kid and everyone even takes naps when needed.
The big tipping point for travel with us was at 3. At 3, we all were on vacation, instead of it being hard to travel. Now at 4 we are planning an entire week at the beach, just the four of us and it will be VACATION!
PS. I bought the pancake skillet you suggested, even clicked the link through your blog! IT IS HUGE. Exactly what I needed. I made like 15 Star Wars pancakes in 10 minutes. Thank you!
This is exactly what I needed to read. It sounds like you're in about the same situation as us save the communication skills. And LauraC's perspective helps too. It's not that we aren't in a good place, but I just like to know what to expect. Sometimes I think I'm ridiculous for the outings I won't try by myself, but then I realize how hellacious they would be, and actually potentially dangerous, so I try to get over it. As always, thanks for the insights!
@Lara - we're definitely considering an adjoining room situation, too. I'm learning that many hotels will do an adjoining room at 50% if they have the space.
@LauraC - The more you do it, the more practice/experience you have, the easier it gets. The less you do it, the more time to make up horrific scenarios in your head, the more likely they are to occur. We would TOTALLY travel/do/get out more if Jen didn't work 45 Saturday's of the year.
@Lisa - you're doing great! In the meantime, I'm enjoying these fleeting early toddler years (the days are LONG but the years are fast!). I do hear that 4years+ gets better (in a lot of ways).
It's equally difficult to justify the expense of a resort or similarly priced vacation when the kids are still too young to participate in any Kids Club type activities. And cruises? Forget it. They won't allow non-potty trained kids in the pool. So why on earth would I pay close to full price for two toddlers when our activities on the ship would be significantly limited? Maybe in a few years.
So, I have four kids, but no multiples. When we had just one kid, we used to laugh at routine. Routine? Who needs a routine. We're young and hip and our kid is portable. Add three more and I'm all about the routine. Dinner is at 6. Showers. Bedtime. It makes life manageable when you have multiple kids, whether they are the same age or not. I fully respect the routine.
Vacations. I think the thing I've learned over the years is to not go into it expecting it all to be a beautiful, perfect experience. As soon as you do that, the three year old who has been speaking in nothing but dolphin for a year will decide the moment you walk into the aquarium that they actually hate any animal that lives in the water. That's not an actual example from our family history, but it could be.
I hope you guys are able to have an awesome vacation in San Antonio. And maybe Grandma can take both kids for an evening, so that the two of you can have a romantic evening without children. I haven't had one in a couple of years now, but I think I recall that they're quite lovely. And I've heard good things about San Antonio.
So interesting your mother's theory on sleep. We're very routine based as well (as is their daycare which I love). Singleton parents are always shocked by how much my girls sleep. My standard answer is that clearly they are sleepers, but I do wonder if they are sleepers because I've always put a premium on their sleep. Who knows!
We're heading up to a cabin in northern Minnesota for a week over the 4th of July with my mom's side of the family. I'm a little nervous, but hopeful that the girls will do well. I have a feeling I will be paying for that vacation for the rest of July though!
@GettysburgMom, hilarious about the dolphin speak! And you are right, it's best not to head into a vacation expecting bliss and perfection. We, on the other hand, expect total work and no rest. Which is why we've yet to take a true vacation together!
@Erin, my mother's theory is well-intentioned, but flawed. We, too, put a premium on the kids' sleep. If they don't get enough sleep at night or get a nap during the day, it is total hell. Everyone says it won't be that bad, but I've never had anyone take us up on the offer for them to babysit the next day when the consequences of abbreviated sleep are sown. It's "not too bad" because they don't experience the results. Say what they will, but our putting a premium on the sleep is not just a sanity decision, it is one backed by scientific research. Turns out most people aren't giving kids enough sleep.
I don't have any more wisdom to add - there is ample already! Just want to say welcome to SA! A great place to vacation!